I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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