Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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