so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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