also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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