Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize