i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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