I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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