The maid of honor just puked.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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