Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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