What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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