True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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