I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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