Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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