I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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