I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize