dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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