Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize