I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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