Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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