I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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