So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
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New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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