I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize