I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize