Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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