I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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