he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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