I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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