You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They have beer where we have blood.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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