You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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