whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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