keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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