He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
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I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize