Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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