I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You need Xanax blowdarts
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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