god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize