ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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