I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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