I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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