dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize