Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize