Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize