my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize