She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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