What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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