I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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