Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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