it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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