So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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