respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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