there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize